I’ve always loved Tim McGraw’s song, “My Next Thirty Years.” It’s a song about looking at what you’ve learned from your past, and what you look forward to, the changes you’re going to make, in your future. Yesterday was my birthday. Now, it was actually last year that I turned 30, but I’ve come to realize something over the past year.
I was lost.
I wasn’t happy. I had no passion, and my purpose—my entire being—disappeared under the weight of the world I placed on my shoulder.
I realized what was happened, I took steps to rectify my situation, but to no avail. I continued down the spiral I was on, losing any semblance of who I was and what I wanted out of my life.
I was just lost.
In the middle of my depression and despair, I came to the realization that I wasn’t alone. First and foremost, I had God on my side. He didn’t want this life for me. The Bible tells us that God is not the author of fear.
“The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10 NKV)
Abundantly. Life abundantly.
I doubt that the life Jesus was referring to looked anything like the last year or so of my life. I know it’s sure not what I would call living.
I also have my wonderful husband—a true gift from God. He has been so supportive through my mood swings, my emotional moments, the moments when I didn’t want to do anything. He put up with my laziness, my fears, and my fits. I have been anything but the godly wife that he deserves, yet he loves me still.
And, of course, my beautiful children. They are smart and amazing…and I’ve taken them for granted. It’s so true what they say about the kids only being young once. And I’m wasting that time—and on what? Nothing of importance, nothing that justifies missing any precious smile or loving moment.
Throw in a variety of amazing friends and family, and I couldn’t be more blessed—but am I being a blessing? Or am I just a selfish, lazy bum, who is so self-obsessed that I can’t see beyond my TV or computer screen?
The past few months have been quite the eye opener. I can’t really pinpoint any particular moments that ushered in this change of heart. It was gradual…a journey. One that is definitely not complete.
One thing that I did come to realize. I was missing two important things: passion and purpose. God blessed me with both, but for whatever reason, I let the thief steal those from me. Life without passion or purpose is not really life.
I’ve been living life on the sidelines. I hide behind various things that keep me from the abundance that Jesus spoke about in the Gospel of John. Passion, purpose, love, opportunities–they all just pass me by as I dig in my heels. Not anymore.
Life is movement, a forward motion, a conglomerate of experiences. It is purpose. It is passion. My goal for this year is to rediscover my passion and to recommit to God’s purpose for my life. I invite you all to join me as I free myself from the chains of self-loathing, fear, laziness, and—with God’s help—spread my wings and discover that abundant life.