I have something to confess.
I am a perfectionist.
It’s true. Now, until a few months ago, I did not consider myself a perfectionist. In fact, I thought I was as far opposite as I could get. I am not neat, I don’t keep up with the housework, schedules, or anything like that.
I was talking to a friend several months ago, lamenting about some of the issues I was having. Lo and behold, she hit the nail on the head. I am a perfectionist to such an odd extreme that if I can’t do something right, I just won’t do it. If I can’t clean the kitchen, I won’t bother with the dishes. If that mound of laundry is not going to disappear, the laundry can wait another day (speaking of which…). If I was only going to be able to write 200 words, I’ll just wait for a bigger window of time in which to write.
Do you see how this can go so very wrong?
Which is what it often does.
Perfection is a lie. There’s no such thing. I would go so far as to say that “perfection” is a strategy perpetrated by Satan just to immobilize people like me. It’s my Acheles Heel, my weakness.
It’s only been in the last month or so that I’ve truely been able to grasp this concept. Although I recognized the issue within me, I had not changed anything–didn’t really know how.
Slowly, though, God is teaching me to let go. He is helping me to ease back. If you read my last 3in30 post, you saw that I came to a big realization about my family schedule that was really life-changing for me.
A schedule was to rigid for me and it was driving me nuts. I could get everything to fit into a nice little box. No, it was spewing out like confetti. I’ve now embraced something that is subtle, but makes a big difference. A routine. We still do everything, I still expect everything to get accomplished–but it doesn’t matter so much if it’s done in an alotted time or if something interrupts. It’s a freeing concept.
Little changes like that are allowing me to embrace life. One of my words for the year is “JOY”, and turning my perfecitonism around is helping me to embrace joy in a whole new way. Even my husband says that I’ve been more relaxed, happier.
I still struggle, though. There are days I want to let the perfectionism take over. I have to make a concious decision to hand it all over to Christ every. single. morning. If I don’t, then I know that I open myself up for Satan’s attack. And Satan is a relentless enemy. He and his minions lie in wait, patient for that opportunity.
Still, I can rejoice because I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Can I get an AMEN?